OVERCOMING MARITAL CHALLENGES Part 2

Text: Ephesians 4:27-32, 5:1-2

In continuation of the sermon on "overcoming marital challenges" we shall in this Part 2 consider some of the concerns in marital relationship.

1) Personal Commitment. To be committed to your marriage is to give it what it takes to make the relationship successful. It involves devotion from both parties and to be ready to compromise so  as to preserve the relationship. Non commitment from either party will lead to disagreement. As a spouse, you should not be committed to your own agenda only. The two must be ready to work together as a team and be ready to make sacrifices for the sake of the union. Be ready to forsake and endure for one another and allow for mutual agreement over all issues. Each must have a right and positive attitude towards the relationship. Attitude such as "this relationship must not break"; "this relationship will last forever"; and "I won't be a stumbling block in this relationship". This kind of attitude will help a great deal. Non commitment from one party will lead to frustration, unhappiness and withdrawal from the other party. Brethren, I admonish you to remind yourself of your marital vows and be committed to them.

2) Living separately after marriage.

The Bible says whatever God has joined together let no man put asunder. Matt 19:6 says, "So they are no longer two, but one flesh, therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate." Living separately after marriage is outside the norm. Intimacy will be lacking and this may develop into  a new relationship which will not augur well for both parties. Praying together will be less and intimacy may be less readily available. No matter the number of phone calls, connecting through Skype platform, and exchange of photographs, living separately is deleterious to marital relationship. There  may be reasons for doing so or for wanting to do so, it is just not ideal. When intimacy is less readily available new relationship is bound to emerge and interest will shift. You are admonished to live together in harmony as one under one roof as husband and wife.

3) Homemaking.

A wife is of many parts as she has so many roles to play. Some of her roles are listed in Prov 31:19-28. A wife must be a godly woman, must be of noble character, diligent and prudent.She provides food for her family, takes care of the environment, beautifies and decorates the home. She speaks with wisdom, she watches over the affairs of her household and she is always ready to build up her home. She reaches out to the poor and the needy. She is supposed to be a very good homemaker, be judicious and plan on whatever her husband provides. She looks after the children and get their meals ready at the appropriate time.  She is a good helpmate and dependable partner to her husband. She is expected to be well mannered and be hospitable. Inability to perform and cope with all these may lead to disaffection from the husband and frustration for the woman. She is expected to be a good cook as this will endear her husband to her. It is a common say that cleanliness is next to godliness so the home must be very clean. Pro 12:4 says, "A wife of noble character is her husband's crown but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones”. I admonish you to let things be in order in your home, be judicious with your time and materials. Let your environment be clean and inviting and be of noble character.

4) Influence of external bodies.

The Bible says in Gen 2:24 says, "Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother,and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh." Marriage is designed to be an exclusive club and the only two members are the husband and his wife. Any other person related to them or associated with them are external bodies or "third parties."

External bodies in this case can be parents of either spouse, children, in-laws, relations, friends and professional colleagues. Other interest like sports, computer games, television, addiction and work can come in between you and your spouse and thereby diminish your relationship. Matt 19:5 says, "They are no more two but one flesh." Anything or anyone coming in between is an intruder. A couple needs to actively protect their relationship from external bodies. Parents must be honoured as much as possible, but they should not be allowed to dominate your relationship. It is your responsibility to train your children and bring them up in the way of the Lord. In fact God expects godly seeds from your relationship but this should not erode into  that relationship. Children need boundaries. Mothers especially should watch out so as not to over identify with children at the expense of their spouse. You should try to watch out other interest that may or likely be contending with the interest of your spouse.

Conflicts and weaknesses in your character will always give room to intruders because it is an opportunity for such to get in between. Resolve conflicts amicably and do not capitalise on each other's weaknesses. Never listen to gossips. Pro 16: 28 says, "A perverse person stirs up conflict and a gossip separates close friends." Give gossips no chance.There is always fear of  intimacy when a spouse has too many friends. Also attachment to parents and siblings must be controlled so as to avoid clash of interest. Do not over commit your time to other things. No two families can be the same.Your relationship is unique so you have to actively guard and protect it from external bodies.

Brethren, it is possible to overcome all these challenges and live a happy married life. Your attitude matters a lot in this case. Make up your mind to be an overcomer. May you overcome in Jesus name.

Prayer: Our Father and our God, who Himself ordained the institution of marriage, grant me and my spouse the grace to be able to keep this unique relationship in obedience to your precepts. Grant us the grace to hold on to our marital vows in whatever circumstances in Jesus's name I pray. Amen.

OVERCOMING MARITAL CHALLENGES Part 1

Text: Ephesians 4:27 -32, 5:1-2

God ordained the institution of marriage for fellowship, procreation and to satisfy your sexual desire. When a man and a woman are joined in holy matrimony, they become husband and wife and they are to live together in harmony "until death do part them." Marriage is a covenant of love between a husband and wife. Marriage is an act of giving yourself to each other in love and trust. Love underpins marriage and Jesus Christ is the bedrock of it.

However along the journey are some challenges. These challenges must be overcome if the marriage is to be blissful. Challenges, by their nature or character, serve as calls to fight or battle. Some of the challenges in marriage could be:

• Lack or absence of Christ's love
• Sexual dissatisfaction
• Temporary or permanent infertility
• Finance
• Ineffective communication
• Prayerlessness
• Unforgiveness
• Non commitment from either the husband or the wife
• Homemaking
• Living separately
• Influence of external bodies

For any marriage to be successful, Jesus Christ must be at the center of it and must be the bedrock while it must be driven by unconditional love. Although challenges will always come, you must always have it in mind that you will overcome and be triumphant in Jesus name.

The Lord has promised to be with you in whatever you are passing through (Isa 43:2-3). He also promised you that you will overcome issues and challenges (Rom 8:37). Be rest assured that because Jesus is an over comer, you too shall overcome. Let us discuss some of the challenges listed above.

Lack or absence of Christ's Love

God showed us love by sending his only son Jesus to us. Jesus showed us love by dying for us. He loves his  church so much that they are inseparable. He wants you to replicate this unconditional love between you and your spouse. It is the love of Christ that binds a husband and wife together. If Christ is out of the union, there will be chaos in the relationship. To overcome chaos and crisis in your relationship, Jesus must be involved. The presence of Jesus at the wedding at Cana in Galilee made a lot of difference and the wedding ceremony ended well. The Bible says in the presence of Jesus there is fullness of joy. If your marriage is to be blissful, harmonious and joyous, then Jesus must be at the center of it.

The Bible says in 1 Cor 13:4-8, "Love is patient. Love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonour others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." Brethren, love covers all sins, it is the fulfilment of the Law. It is above all things and you must act in love. If you love your spouse as expected, there will be harmony, peace and joy in your home. You will trust one another and you will easily forgive one another since love keeps no records of evil and it conquers all. If you love each other you will be inseparable.

Sexual dissatisfaction

The Bible admonishes us in1 Cor7:2b-5, "Each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfil his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to husband. In the same way the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control."

Where there is dissatisfaction or complaints, you can help one another by being patient, seek medical advice, seek advice from marriage counsellors and with prayers you will overcome. The solution is not to look for a bed mate elsewhere because it is ungodly. Sexual matters between you and your spouse must be resolved amicably. 1 Cor 6:18 says, "Flee from sexual immorality." Once you get married, your only sexual partner is your spouse. In case there is delay in child bearing, be patient and wait on the Lord. Hannah waited, prayed and God answered her.

Finance

The Bible says in Deut 8:18, "But remember the Lord your God, for it is he who gives you the ability to produce wealth." Money in marriage is not individually owned. Whatever the husband has belongs to the wife and vice-versa. So whatever God has joined together, money should not put asunder. If you jointly own your bodies and you can share your bodies with one another, then, money should not be more precious than your bodies.

The Bible says in 1 Tim 5:8, "Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for  their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever." The husband should provide for his household. Be transparent and do not love money more than your spouse. 1 Tim 6:10a says, "For the love of money is the root of all evil." It is good to have money but the love of it is not good. Where the wife is more resourceful than the husband, there must be understanding and the wife should pray for more wisdom and humility so as to avoid being puffy.

Ineffective Communication

Communication is the process of sending a message through a medium to the receiver. The content of the message could be information, news, ideas, feelings or emotion. Communication is effective when both the recipient and sender has the same understanding of the message being transmitted. Marital problems usually or sometimes start from poor or no communication. The choice of words, tone of the language to use, mood of your spouse and timing are to be considered. Ineffective or lack of communication can lead to breakdown in the home. You should never bottle- up. Always express yourself and learn to discuss freely and sincerely.

Pro 15:1 says, "A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger." If you don't communicate with one another it will be very difficult for you to pray together.

Prayerlessness

Prayer is communication between man and God in the name of Jesus Christ through the power of the Holy Spirit. It is the walking stick of a Christian. It is a potent weapon available to you as a child of God and therefore make use of it effectively. 1 Thess 5:17, "Pray without ceasing." There must be a family altar where you meet at least twice, morning when you wake up and evening before going to bed to commune with God. Present your case before Him and hand over with gratitude your home and all other issues for Him to take control. A family that prays together will definitely stay together. Through this, you will always receive a leading and solutions to your problems and challenges.

Divorce should not be considered as a solution to challenges. Mal 2:15b says, "Do not be unfaithful to the wife of thy youth. God hates divorce and He hates putting away". The man who hates and divorces his wife does violence to the one he should protect. Finally, love is the fulfilment of Law therefore love your spouse as Jesus loves the church and let Him be in control.

Final Prayer.

Lord Jesus, reveal yourself in my home. Give me and my spouse the grace to fellowship together in love all the days of our lives and let your agape love bind us together for life. 

Grant both of us the spirit of oneness. Let your peace flow in our home and through us like a river till death do us part. Lord Jesus, grant us a blissful, peaceful and joyous home in your name I pray, Amen.

Christian Marriage

Part A - Choosing the Right Partner

Gen 1: 28, Gen 2: 18, 1 Cor 7:1-9, 2 Cor 6:14-16

Marriage is the state of relationship of being husband and wife. It is meant to be between two opposite sex of male and female. God gave us an example by creating Eve a female and Adam a male. Marriage is an institution ordained by God and it is as old as the garden of Eden. It is a life-long union of a man and a woman who give themselves to each other in love and trust.

Jesus Christ honoured marriage and that was why he was present at the marriage in Cana of Galilee. God ordained marriage for three major reasons.

1. For mutual fellowship Gen 2:18
2. To avoid adultery and fornication 1 Cor 7:1-12
3. For procreation Gen 1:18

When God created Adam, He said "it is not good for a man to be alone, I will make him an help meet for him", hence He created Eve. In 1 Cor 7:2, "nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let everyman have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband". If you can not remain single get your own spouse. God said in Gen 1:28, "be fruitful and multiply". For these reasons God ordained the institution of marriage.

Some processes are involved in Marriage:

The first one is choosing a partner. This sermon will be based on biblical way of choosing a right partner. God who ordained it should be at the center. It should be approached with dignity and fear of the Lord. It is sacred, should be honoured and be entered into responsibly and in the love of God. It should not be rushed into just to satisfy your carnal lust. Before you can start to think of searching for a partner, there are some signs to look out for. They are signs of maturity even though the bible does not mention or dictate age.

These signs are good indicators for readiness:

1. Feeling of loneliness in the midst of parents, siblings and relations Eccl 4:9-12
2. Sex drive - 1 Cor 7:7-9. It is natural to have feelings but it is scriptural to allow such feelings to be exercised only between you and your marriage partner.
3. Family pressure - when parents and relations are reminding you and asking about your partner. They are sending signals that you should be getting ready. However, family pressure should not lead you to taking wrong steps. Partner should not be imposed on you.
4. Maturity at business - when you are occupying a leadership position in your calling or profession, certainly you are ready for such. Your relationship with God must be cordial because he has to be at the centre of it. There is God's perfect will for choosing a partner and this can be achieved through:

• Fervent Prayer
• Reading the scripture because the word of God guides aright. Ps 119:105 ," Thy word is a lamp onto my feet and a light unto my path"
• Your pastor and marriage counselor can assist with prayer Prov 11:4
• Also you can be led to your partner through the gift of the Holy Spirit, through the word of wisdom, prophecy, dreams, visions and even through your spiritual leaders.
• You could meet your partner miraculously; you may meet and things may just be working out well towards the same goal. Don't forget that our God is a God of miracles and He is still in the business of doing them.
• A partner should not be imposed on male or female and it should also not be by a match making exercise.

Marriage is a life time journey. Both partners must be satisfied with each other's physical disposition, make up and outlook to life. This is because somebody you will live the rest of your life with must be acceptable to you.

The 'husband to be' must at least have good prospects considering skills, capacity and competences. Marriage requires an appreciable level of financial independence to raise a home. A job seeker should settle with job first before considering marriage. Marriage can be delayed if you are financially independent.

Another thing to consider is age. The gap should not be too wide either way. But there must be love and understanding between the two. The consent of the 'bride to be' family is very important and also that of the 'groom to be'. Get the blessings of your parents before you get along. You need their consent and blessings. Afterwards in Gen 24:1-4, Abraham sent his eldest servant to go in search of a wife for his son Isaac. Your parents have a vital role to play. They need to pray along with you. Carry them along.

Finally the spiritual oneness of both of you is very important. This attitude is guided by what the bible says in 2 Cor 6:14-16. Sometimes, people wonder if they could marry outside their faith. Let the word of God guide you. There is a blessing pronounced on the Godly. Choose your partner is a Godly way. Ps 1:1-3.

After you have fulfilled all above, courtship starts.

Courtship in the scriptural way is the time to make restitution. Time to put things right with God, man and your partner. It is a period to know each other very well and to pray together. Nothing about the past should be hidden from each other. It is the period to know each other's family background and family members. However, knowing each other well excludes sleeping together, living together and sex. Sex before marriage is fornication and it is a sin. Please avoid it. But if you have committed the sin or you are still committing it, stop it. Confess it, ask for forgiveness and repent totally. Never go back to it. Prayerfully prepare for other processes until your wedding day.

May the Lord guide you and lead you to the right partner in Jesus Name.

Prayer

Lord Almighty in the name of Jesus, connect me with my partner and grant me the grace to go about it in a Godly manner so that I can have a Christian home and enjoy all the blessings of marriage. AMEN